I finished this new(ish) series on Netflix last night after binge watching all the episodes in 2 days. I had avoided this show altogether for the simple reason that I tend to shy away from anything "viral". It took me 6 years to read/watch twilight just because it was so damn annoying to see it in media all day long for so long. When something becomes extremely popular in social media very quickly, it annoys me. My self-psycho-analysis tells me it's because deep down I'm just a non-conformist. But we live in a society where conformity is the norm, so at some point in life, even strongly non-conformist people must choose to conform, or be an outcast forever. I chose the former. I also avoided the show because I kept seeing quips from people about how it "glorified suicide". Suicide is a very very personal subject to me that I don't like to talk about to people in general, and the idea that someone would glorify it sickens me. Suicide is painful. For everyone. As a person who has lived an entire lifetime with suicidal thoughts, at times consumed by them, but with enough logic and intelligence and fear of letting people down, it's never been an actual option for me. People hear "suicidal thoughts", or "suicidal tendencies" and assume that they need to talk you out of it. The thing is, we already know everything you're telling us. We know it's selfish. We know it's not worth it. We know it won't solve anything. And we know that it would essentially destroy those around us. Most people who do commit suicide do so because they have completely convinced themselves that everyone they care about would be better off without them. It wasn't completely clear until the final episode that Hannah felt that way, but it came through in innuendos and between the lines for any of us who have struggled with this feeling. I know it all to well myself.
But after the first few episodes it became clear that this show was not glorifying suicide in any way at all. By the end I determined that anyone who claimed it did glorify suicide missed the entire point. In fact, it did quite the opposite. It shed a simple, yet profound light on one specific thing. "Her truth isn't my truth". Everyone sees every situation just slightly differently. Everyone has their own version of the truth, and that doesn't mean that the real version of events isn't the truth, it just means that everyone sees each situation slightly differently based upon their life experiences. It shows quite clearly that if Hannah could have just seen all the information instead of her own biased logic she might have made a different choice. It shows that no matter how much someone hurts you, they may not have meant what you thought they did. It shows that you can't just decide what someone meant based on your experiences. Because if you do, you have a limited view of what the real truth is.
This show hit all the emotional points it should have about what suicide really is. It holds such a stigma in society, that people honestly have no clue, unless they have ever been at that point, and even then they may not even get it. Everyone who does commit suicide has never fully disclosed their feelings with anyone. That's part of why it happens. Because the ability to pour out raw feelings just doesn't exist in some people. Some of us can't verbalize our feelings at all, and therefore spend our entire lives feeling misunderstood. No one could understand, and no one ever will, because I don't have the ability to even explain it, and it's far too complicated to have a black and white explanation.
Using a cliche word... it was gripping. It was intense. Profound even, if you dive in deep enough to the message. If you're one of those people who think this show glorified suicide, watch it again, but without all the biases.There are a billion reasons to want to leave this life, and only a few to convince you to stick around. I hate the term "permanent solution to a temporary problem" because it's not just a temporary problem. People don't commit suicide over one thing. It's not just one problem. It's a lifetime of problems, and an awareness that while the specifics within each problem we face are different, there's something to be said about the cycle that is all of life. It goes up and down, and there's good and bad, but it all seems pretty pointless when the good is few and far between, and the bad is a constant. Life is a permanent problem, and it's pretty easy for me to see why someone would decide there's no point in it. But the fact remains that life is also beautiful, and there are a lot of beautiful things to experience and see, and if you stick around long enough, you'll see that it is worth it.
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